Dopers, drunks and idiots. I love Florida.

From the “if your gonna be dumb you better be tough” category comes these Florida stories.

Michael Kruse

I get the feeling this knot head got an escort but I doubt it was to the Lil Wayne concert.

911 Caller Asks For Police Escort To Lil Wayne Concert

ST. JOHNS COUNTY, FL -- A 20-year-old man has been arrested for misusing 911.
Deputies say Michael Kruse of Jacksonville initially called 911 because he felt sick on June 21st.

The call went into the 911 call center in St. Johns County.
Kruse's speech was slurred and the dispatcher had difficulty understanding him.
Dispatch: "Are you sure you haven't taken something sir? Because you're not making a whole lot of sense."

Caller: "I've been smoking marijuana."

Dispatch: "You've been smoking marijuana?"

Caller: "Yes."

Dispatch: "Do you want a deputy to come and take you to jail?"

Caller: "Why?"

Dispatch: "You just told me on a taped line you just got done smoking marijuana."

Caller: "Awww. Are you serious?"

Sgt. Chuck Mulligan, spokesman with the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office, said deputies located Kruse, took him to a family member, and gave him a stern lecture about 911.

Hours later on June 22nd, Kruse called 911 again. This time he was driving on I-95. He told the dispatcher he wanted a police escort to see the rapper, Lil Wayne, in concert in Miami.

Dispatch: "You want a police escort to take you to Miami?" Caller: "Or, you have a helicopter?" Dispatch: "We don't just send helicopters up for rappers." Caller: "Well, I'm driving there right now. I just wanted the fastest way to get there. I didn't want to get pulled over on the highway." The dispatcher had Kruse pull off the interstate at the State Road 207 exit. There, deputies met Kruse and arrested him for misuse of 911.

You see, he is the best argument for legalizing marijuana; that way us cops will never have to wonder what dopers like him are up to. They get stoned and confess their sins over 911 and are then so wasted they actually pull over and wait for the cops to come and arrest them. I love it.

Five 911 drunk dials land woman in jail

Hernando Today
Published: May 29, 2009

SPRING HILL - A woman dialed 911 three times in front of deputies after she was trespassed from a bar for causing a disturbance early Thursday morning.

The trouble started when the suspect, Gilmara Barreras, 26, and her companion were escorted out of the Pickled Parrot on Commercial Way around 1:30 a.m. The night manager told a deputy working an off-duty detail that they were disorderly with other patrons.

Neither of the women would explain to the deputy what had happened; Barreras began screaming at the deputy that she wanted a report taken and called 911, a report shows.

The deputy explained that he was taking a report and asked her to hang up the phone. She dialed 911 a second time as she was given a case number and explained the procedure for retrieving a copy of the report from the sheriff's office, according to a report.

She wasn't through. Barreras called 911 a third time to request a deputy take a report as she was escorted off the property and into a car with a designated driver.

On the way home, deputies say she dialed 911 a fourth time and was told a report had already been taken. The operator hung up. After the fifth call, deputies went to her home at 2992 Harrow Road and arrested her on a misdemeanor charge of making false 911 calls.

Okay, you have to be a complete moron or completely wasted to miss the first four warnings. I hate trying to deal with idiots like this one. There is no reasoning with a drunk and no reason to think you would find anything but drunks at a place called the “Pickled Parrot”.

Theodor Walker III and his partner in stupidity Eshon Hardy

Suspected Pop-Tart Thieves Ask Deputy For Ride

ORLANDO — Two men suspected in a group of central Florida car burglaries were caught empty-headed when they asked a deputy for a ride home.Authorities say 18-year-old Eshon Hardy and 20-year-old Theodor Walker III were walking in a Deltona neighborhood Monday and asked Volusia County deputy Austin Littleton to give them a ride.According to a Volusia County Sheriff's Office report obtained by the Daytona Beach News-Journal, Hardy told the deputy that he and Walker were rappers. Hardy asked Walker to dance and when he did, the deputy noticed an electronic device and power cord sticking out of the top of Walker's pants.The deputy told them he first would have to search them before giving them a lift. The pair agreed, and authorities say they were found to have cell phones and GPS devices and a package of strawberry-flavored Pop-Tarts.Deputies entered the home addresses in the GPS units to find the burglarized cars. In another case, the only thing missing was change and a package of Pop-Tarts.The pair were charged with burglary. They were being held on $1,500 bond.

Oh man, how stupid to you have to be to ask a cop for a ride while carrying a boatload of stolen property. These guys are a testament to why cops never get bored and never have to worry about job security.

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